SOBER CITY – Day 64

P205

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Sober City – Saturday March 5th, 2011
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Shit. I’m starting to hate this. OK, maybe hate is a strong word, but I’m definitely not having the gay old time I was having in January with the whole “going out more” and feeling so healthy and productive. I’d like to be able to report that I do in fact feel so much better sober and I have such a clearer mind and a much more productive attitude and a new found love of life and all it has to offer, but that would make me a bold faced liar. Sure I feel good and the absence of hangovers is peachy keen but nothing has changed in such a dramatic way that I’m waking up each morning full of piss and vinegar at the possibilities of the day. I mean it is early I suppose in the grand scheme of things, but there’s a familiar little voice in my head growing in both volume and persuasiveness that’s saying “Drink up asshole! Life is too short to spend it like a bitch!” He’s a jerk, but what if he’s right? I could drop dead on December 31st at 11:59pm and become nothing more than a cautionary tale to “Live every day like it’s your last, lest you end up like poor Joe MacLeod. Dead and thirsty.”
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TV only makes matters worse. Shows like Californication and Mad Men should not be allowed anywhere near my eye holes during this time in my life. I don’t think there is any guy on this planet who doesn’t desperately want to be Don Draper for at least a day and in my case I have to constantly remind myself that not only is Hank Moody a fictitious character, he is also partly made up of David Duchovny, who I in no way resemble (and who I’m pretty sure at 50 years old is some kind of alien rockstar sex monster). Still, I, like most red blooded open minded artistically inclined males watch such behavior with nothing short of sheer romantic adoration and deeply aspire (secretly or not) to achieve some state of self confidence and awesomeness one day somewhat on par with these fictitious legends. Not a good show for residents of Sober City (or Sober Valley Lodge for all you tiger bloods) because like it or not, alcohol plays a big role in all of these fantasies and it’s wormed it’s way deep into my consciousness with reckless abandon for common sense and better judgement. The crazy part is, I’m fully aware it’s not real and I still conpletely believe in the lie.
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It’s all venting. It’s all part of the process, the journey. I have to believe I’m suppose to be doing this now for reasons yet to be revealed and I have to stick to the plan if only to see where it takes me. As much as I complain and miss the comforts and benefits of drinking every now and then, I know something good will come out of this experiment and the only way to truly understand it is to see it through till the bitter end. That’s what I hope will happen. The other option is a new blog called “Fuck It Funtown” where I keep a detailed account of booze fueled lost weekends in hotels around North America accompanied by random cocktail waitresses with daddy issues and generous free pours. Only time will tell which blog I’ll be writing come July. All we can do is buckle up kids and hope for the best. Fire in the hole! Cheers!

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3 thoughts on “SOBER CITY – Day 64”

  1. I absolutely adore your writing and raw honesty. Why are you not a writer? Seriously. Write a fucking book, I’ll read it. I love me some Hank Moody but you are a far better person than he is. Don’t try to live up to his persona because frankly you’re already #WINNING! I admire the hell out of you for staying so strong but honestly if you only make it to July, I think that’s still pretty amazing. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t make it a year. The fact that you have made it this far is something to celebrate. We should get together soon! I’d love to hear all about your journey in person 🙂

  2. Joe, you don’t know me but I wanna say this: you already made it that far which is pretty amazing if you ask me. I love reading your blog and your honesty is refreshing – as the person before me said, you should consider writing a book, I’d buy it. :)Anyways, I’m sure if you can’t see the benefit of why you’re doing this now, it might be clearer once the year is over. You can look back and be proud for going through with it and it will only make you stronger.Go Joe, you can do it!! ❤

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