SOBER CITY – Day 232

P741

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Sober City – August 20th, 2011
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Wow. It’s been a while huh? That Joe MacLeod sure is a lazy jerk. Making us all wait around so long for his stupid words then starting of his new post in the third person. What an asshole. Anyway, it’s true I’ve been having a hard time coming up with a worthy entry into this mad experiment lately and I have a few theories why. First off, it’s possible I’ve done all the public self reflection necessary and I’m just enjoying my life in the real world too much to remember to document it. This could in fact be the case but my lack of posting, while partially due to my lack of decent talking points, might also be a direct reaction to my ever dwindling audience. Sobriety, as it turns out, just doesn’t bring in the ratings like drunken shenanigans and booze infused adventures do. Not that it should matter how many of you read this but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t have some sort of impact on me and my need to write. I’ve always been a performer and it’s always easier to play to a full crowd. That being said, I do have a solid number of you that read this blog on a regular basis and your comments and messages have been absolutely invaluable throughout this whole self imposed residency in Sober City and I can’t thank you enough for helping me make it this far. So maybe lack of audience really doesn’t matter after all.
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I think the simple truth is, I’m just happy. Finally after over 2 years of depression and grief and weight gain and self loathing and sealing myself off from the rest of the world, I’ve emerged from my stupid shit cocoon of despair and found myself again. The “old Joe” me and my friends used to talk about as if he was an actual loved one that died, has found his way back to the land of the living and has consumed all of the poisonous thoughts and actions that engulfed my conscience while silmultaneously rescuing any and all positive improvements to my well being that may have been picked up on the battle field. It feels like a win. It feels like I’m already fully bathed in light from the end of the tunnel and there’s still more light to come. Turns out this wasn’t an experiment, it was a rescue mission. I was severely injured and kept dragging myself further away from the search party. This whole idea was the spark that ignited the giant flare to remind me that I was still alive. It wasn’t about not drinking, it was about realigning my compass true north, instead of stumbling along aimlessly with no hope in sight. The experiment was a mission to pull myself back from the brink of despair and the mission was a success.
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So here I am now. 35 pounds lighter, 7 and a half months soberer and 10,000 times happier. All because I gave up drinking booze. I mean that’s what it is right? It’s pretty obviously not a coincidence that I quit drinking and solved the majority of my problems at the same time. Right? Booze is bad. That’s the moral of the story isn’t it? Well, it may seem to be that simple but I really don’t believe that it is. Life is very rarely black and white and while it’s true that alcohol did in fact contributed to the downward spiral I was on, it wasn’t the real problem. There was a whole myriad of issues at play and I think it’s important to realize that most of life’s problems can’t be boiled down to a single factor. It’s a never-ending game of discovery and the rules constantly change and need to be relearned. All I know is that sometimes the direction you’re heading in isn’t the way you think it is and the only way to get your bearings is to shake up the snow globe and completely change your perspective. The person you want to be is in you, it always is and it always will be. You just have to be willing to send out the search party when the weather gets bad and know that nothing inside you stays lost forever as long as you keep lighting those flares and fighting for survival.
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I’m not a recovering alcoholic or a reformed addict or a newly enlightened spiritual warrior or a self help expert with get happy quick solutions. I’m just a fellow human being experiencing life, same as you. While our circumstances may be wildly different or vaguely similar, we’re all in this together whether we like it or not and if anybody reading this can take something positive away from following me on my strange journey, then Sober City will have become something far greater then a platform for some asshole to whine about being thirsty. Cheers!

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2 thoughts on “SOBER CITY – Day 232”

  1. a) "Stupid shit cocoon of despair" is my new favorite phraseb) The last sentence *perfectly* sums it all up although, FYI, you don’t come across as "an asshole complaining about being thirsty"c) Day-um! Congrats on your thus-far successful journey!

  2. I have to agree "stupid shit cocoon of despair" is truly the best phrase i have ever heard!!! i read this over and over again. truly amazingthanks for that:)

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