SOBER CITY – Day 335

P74

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Sober City – December 1, 2011
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I want a drink. It’s been almost a year since I had a tasty adult beverage and right now, at this moment I really, really want one. There’s no reason. There’s nothing influencing me or tempting me or driving me to want to get hammered, I just simply and honestly want a drink. This is perfectly fine too because the key word here is “want” and most certainly not “need”. Just one of the many lesson I’ve learned during this long crazy year of self discovery and denial. I don’t need alcohol…I want it.
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Some of you may see this as me missing the point and perhaps even a small failure in some way, after all I’m sure there are more than a few of you reading this who firmly believe alcohol is better left alone completely for someone like me (and in some ways you may be right) but I can’t deny it’s place in my life. It’s part of who I am and how I like to live. It’s not a big part of my life, or a defining aspect of my personality but I do miss it and I am looking forward to having it in my life again for better or for worse. It’s not perfect but it’s absolutely true.
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I’m not without fear though. I fully recognize the danger of welcoming my liquid lover back with too open of arms and letting her erode all the good foundation I’ve laid in my Sober City house. Denying myself something I’ve loved for so long can indeed encourage me to overindulge when given the chance by “making up for lost time” but this is something I am fully aware of and most definitely not about to let happen without a fight. I’ve come too far to throw it all away on a couple blurry benders and migraine mornings . Perspective has been gained and the horses shall be reigned.
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I’ve got one month left, four more weekends, two more holidays and a year worth of self analyzing and personal growth under my belt. I’ve learned immensely, changed incredibly and will carry this achievement with me till the day I die as a constant reminder of the triumph of willpower and the power of choice. All that matters is the moment directly in front of us right now and every second of every day comes with a new moment of now that becomes another opportunity to express who we truly are and who we truly want to be. This time next month I may indeed be hung over from two shots of Jameson and a glass of champagne but then again maybe not. It’s a choice I’ll make when the time comes and as much as I want a drink right now at this moment, a new moment is always right around the corner and I’ll make sure to raise a glass to each one regardless of what’s in my cup. Cheers!

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