SOBER CITY – Perception

20130524-182939.jpg

*
OK, so right off the top I need to settle the minds of many of my awesome and warm hearted friends out there who reached out to me after my last post with words of concern and encouragement by saying I am doing a thousand times better. I appreciate all the love and concern but rest assured, the Joe MacLeod you all know and love is far from dead and he’s gaining momentum and power every day. It’s sometimes hard to remember that he’s still in there but I know that he is and he needs to take the wheel back from the negative, critical imposter Joe and throw him out the goddamn window ASAP, then run him over like the dirty rodent he is (no offense to dirty rodents). I’ve realized that for the past 5 years this other voice had been festering inside of me, growing and amplifying and wedging himself securely in the driver’s seat of my personality, charting a course for a town called Fear and Insecurity doing donuts in the parking lot of Depression Mall. I hate him and yet I give him the keys over and over again, cheering him on and feeding into the madness despite my ever growing need to escape it. It has to stop and it stops now.
*
We all live out our lives in the starring roles of our own movies and although we sometimes feel like we may be horribly miscast, we forget that we’re also the writer, director and producer, and can rewrite and reshoot whenever we want to achieve whatever artistic vision we ultimately desire. It’s easy to forget that we’re the ones creating our own realities but we are and we do it every second of every day whether we’re conscious of it or not, so why not be aware of it. It’s all about perception. If we see ourselves as ugly or undeserving then that’s the person we’re projecting to everyone else. If we constantly think of ourselves in a negative light and spend most of our days silently judging and demeaning ourselves then wouldn’t it make sense that other people will do the same? It definitely increases the chances that they will, so why not paint a better picture for them?
*
The even crazier part of it all is that other people usually see us in a completely different light than we see ourselves anyway. Old friends see all your good parts from years ago, new friends focus on current positive aspects and your family remembers the person you used to be in relation to who you are now. It’s all perception and a lot of it is out of our control. The only thing we can really do to influence other people’s perception of who we are is to actively engage in creating who we want to be and hope the message comes across the way we want it to. That’s hard enough to do as it is and even then people are still going to see us whatever way they already see us, so really the ultimate goal is (and should always be) not caring what anyone else thinks at all. It’s only one of the hardest things to do ever. No big deal.
*
But it’s all good because no one is meant to totally figure it all out and “win” at life. It’s all part of the process and there can be beauty found in the struggle. Bad days help us appreciate the good; It’s always darkest before the dawn; Caterpillars turn into butterflies; All you need is love; I am the Walrus. Goob Goob Ga Joob. It’s all up to you what you take from everything and it’s equally up to you what you leave behind. I’d like to think it’s never too late to turn it all around and live the life I truly want to live, happy and fulfilled and as long as I think that way, I’ve already succeeded.
*
*
JM

Advertisements

One thought on “SOBER CITY – Perception”

  1. I swear I have heard in person or on the phone those almost exact words from you many many many years ago, it was all like a deja vu to me as I read it sightly to myself moments ago, your right, never too late, you should think about writing, have you ever thought about writing a book, your words flow together and are very easy on the eyes and mind to read, I never get bored, your analogies, comparasions, and thoughts all stream out so smoothly 🙂 just a thought you would make a great writer. Glad you are doing well, and I know you will always find yourself in the end, we all have that demon that takes over, like the blob it seems to overcome us and we almost lose ourself, but as soon as we feel we’re lost we seem to pull out a bit of ourselves 🙂 and you will find yourself entirely, if you are even an ounce of the person you were when I knew you, that person will shine though 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s